God is so funny.
I was called into ministry while getting my oil changed 4 years ago, in this little, tiny, old gas station turned into a mechanic shop, ran by an old guy named Tom. I dont know why I've gone there for the past 7 years, he always overprices everything. I could just go across the street instead, to the tire factory to get my oil changed for 12 bucks cheaper. But I still go to Tom.
It's always the same old thing, I go in first thing in the morning when he isnt busy. 8:30am. I get outta my car, open the old swinging door, walk to his little office, hand him the keys and go sit down in his "waiting room" for about 30 min. There is no heat in his little shop, I always make sure to bundle up before I go. His "waiting room" consists of an old recliner & couch. An old school Pepsi machine that im sure doesnt work. Old tile flooring that hasnt been swept in years and a huge old tv with rabbit ears sitting on top. And the best part... sitting on the end table beside the couch are a dozen or more old National Geographics, dating back to the early 90's. Once I see Tom pull my car out of the garage I go meet him in his office. He always has something to tell me about, he rambles on about something regarding my car or cars in general. And as always I listen to him and act like what he is saying makes sense to me. I say goodbye and "see you in a few months Tom" and I'm on my way.
It seems almost everytime im sitting on that couch in Tom's waiting room, God has a little talk with me about ministry. The first time and most significant time, He used one of the old National Geographic magazines. And since then, I can be sitting there in silence with my thoughts, and God lovingly interrupts my thoughts of school and financial stuff, and starts telling me more about what He wants me to do. I've learned to keep a small notebook in my purse for these special times. He'll tell me about the things that I need to start working on more in my church. He'll tell me about people who He has brought in my life for special purposes (He is really good about not revealing what for usually), and of course tells me how much He loves me and is glad im going on this "ride" with Him.
This morning I had one of these times. I was not in a delightful mood. And I wasnt excited about putting out money. I had had a rough night at band practice the night before at my church, and was feeling really discouraged about a few things. I'm just waiting for God to send me the help He has promised me. And I felt Satan pushing me down and I wasnt okay with it. I was feeling alone.
As I pulled in to Tom's, I saw I had a book in my backseat, so I grabbed it for reading material as I waited. I handed my keys to Tom and "listened" as he talked about the weather and how cold it was. I then went to my regular spot and opened up my book. "Lifestories" by Mark Hall. The first chapter was Mark Hall's testimony. I had heard it before on a dvd and had been really encouraged previously by it, so I prayed real quick, and started reading. He talked about how he felt that he was not good enough to go into ministry, to major in music, and serve God. He felt stupid and inadequate. Sounded familiar. He started talking about the buttons in the back of his head that Satan would push to remind him of his faults, failures and insecurities. Though I had heard this all before I was floored still. That's what Satan is doing to me. He is digging up these insecurities and doubts and stomping my buttons telling me "Amy, you cant do it".
Mark Hall reminded us of Paul and how he talked about these "buttons" 2 Corinthians 12:7-10. "...a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from being too elated...". I especially love the part where he says, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness"
Well, let me tell you... I am WEAK!
I have a couple reasons for sharing these thoughts 1) so that I can read this later and remember the things God has blessed me with and shown me and 2) for you. To remember that God can use anybody. ANYBODY. For His work. God doesnt NEED us. God WANTS us. If you feel called to do something, do it. Please dont let people discourage you. In 4 years of dedicating my life to ministry I have been degraded, manipulated, lied to, told I was too young, not good enough, abandoned, hated and the list goes on. But through all that stuff, I have grown. I have grown to rely on God. I have made mistakes, and I will continue to. But God has revealed more to me then I ever imagined possible. I have people now that support me and encourage me. I will continue to struggle, I will always have insecurities because of the things I went through from the beginning. And so will you.
This is what God is saying to you... I mean YOU. "I am going to do something great in this world, and I just want to know... do YOU want to come? If I'd wanted someone else, I would have called someone else... YOU get up there. YOU show the world what I'll do through someone who will let Me."
It's that simple.... want to join us on this ride?
