FIGHTING OFF BITTERNESS
Tuesday, October 21, 2008 at 1:40am
i've been struggling with bitterness so badly the past couple weeks. And what makes it worse is who is causing this doesnt even realize it. And of course i dont confront it cause i dont want to end up saying something i shouldnt. Through this i have realized i get more frusturated at my attitude then anything. it is obvious to me im not reflecting Christs character through it all. i'm very blessed to have people in my life i can go to and be completely honest & open about my feelings with. And i know they wont judge me or love me any less. Everytime they allow Christ to speak through them to say just the right thing. And i immediately start feeling better. Some of the time i know exactly what they'll say. I just need to hear it from them anyway. And Andrews response is always one that will make me smile "you okay? Want me to knock some heads together?" of course thats not the advice i was referring to...i am so thankful that God blessed me with such amazing people in my life who have become my family. They do so much more for me then I have ever done for them. One day I hope I can live up to how great they have been to me.
Monday, December 1, 2008
A Light In All This Darkness
Sunday, September 07, 2008
A Light In All This Darkness...
I must admit that I have been very down this last week... after leaving Harlow I realized how dark and sinful this world is. And I let it get to me. I of course was sad because I missed getting to wake up in the morning knowing I got to go to breakfast with people that I love and have UNITY with so many people who have a passion for serving God like I do. But even more than that I felt empty and dead. No matter how much I read my Bible and spent time with God I was being torn up and I didnt know how to mend it.
As many of you know I've been working on a Childrens Seminar that will be coming up in two weeks. And I've been really discouraged, cause I dont really have much help, and I wasnt feeling my usual excitement that I usually do with projects and it was frusturating me. But this past week God has been doing all kinds of things to bless this project. All the printing for advertising (posters, flyers, decision cards etc) when the printer gave us the bill is was only $45. When talking to the newspaper editor for Cottage Grove they offered to run our entire ad, with all the information possible plus color photo for free! It is all worked out for me to go on the radio and be interviewed about this project. Laurelwood & Emerald Academy sent us students to go door to door to hand out flyers and invite kids. We wanted to have books available to sell for parents on parenting but didnt have the money to get them. Whelp, the ABC bookstore sent us a huge selection of parenting books and other topics for free and told us to just send back the ones we didnt sell. How awesome is that?!
God is just boosting my confidence with this project and I really needed it. He has given me a passion for the Cottage Grove Community. I am so thankful that my church is so supportive of all the things God has put on my heart to do. They even built a platform to use as a stage in the room for the kids! This probably doesnt sound like much to many of you... but my church is little, to be honest it was close to dying. The people were so close-minded and old fashioned about things (which is fine) but we had no young people, and in 10 years there would be no one there. I feel that God has called me back to this church to serve. Their hearts have been changed, they are ready to make a difference and be a light to our community. They want the pierced, tattoed, mohawks & bright hair... I never thought this day would come :) God is so good...
I know there is a lot of work ahead of me, and the amazing people that are called to these projects as well. I was concerned that all the people who wanted to do this would be wanting to "make Adventists". Well I got put in my place when I brought up this concern :) they said, "we dont care what church they go to, we just want them to feel loved and learn about Jesus!" I almost cried with joy haha.
I am seeing a change with FLIGHT as well. I dont know what will happen. As many of you know its my baby. My first ministry and very close to my heart. At this point in time though I see a movement. And I feel God is calling me to something else. Over a year ago when I was asked to come lead worship at church my little group of musicians wanted to start having a second service on friday nights for more upbeat contemporary worship. We were just dreaming then, and thought "that'd be cool, but the board will never go for it". Whelp, as of last week the board approved it with no concerns. So, after the Children Seminars are over mid October we are going for it! Which means every friday evening ill be at church leading out with my old buds (okay they are in their 40's & 50's, not too old ) and bringing in a drumset! FINALLY! So, regarding FLIGHT, we'll still be there, just a little different for now, until God shows me what to do next with FLIGHT.
Okay I've rambled on enough for this evening. I get a little excited when God allows me to serve Him in these awesome ways.
A Light In All This Darkness...
I must admit that I have been very down this last week... after leaving Harlow I realized how dark and sinful this world is. And I let it get to me. I of course was sad because I missed getting to wake up in the morning knowing I got to go to breakfast with people that I love and have UNITY with so many people who have a passion for serving God like I do. But even more than that I felt empty and dead. No matter how much I read my Bible and spent time with God I was being torn up and I didnt know how to mend it.
As many of you know I've been working on a Childrens Seminar that will be coming up in two weeks. And I've been really discouraged, cause I dont really have much help, and I wasnt feeling my usual excitement that I usually do with projects and it was frusturating me. But this past week God has been doing all kinds of things to bless this project. All the printing for advertising (posters, flyers, decision cards etc) when the printer gave us the bill is was only $45. When talking to the newspaper editor for Cottage Grove they offered to run our entire ad, with all the information possible plus color photo for free! It is all worked out for me to go on the radio and be interviewed about this project. Laurelwood & Emerald Academy sent us students to go door to door to hand out flyers and invite kids. We wanted to have books available to sell for parents on parenting but didnt have the money to get them. Whelp, the ABC bookstore sent us a huge selection of parenting books and other topics for free and told us to just send back the ones we didnt sell. How awesome is that?!
God is just boosting my confidence with this project and I really needed it. He has given me a passion for the Cottage Grove Community. I am so thankful that my church is so supportive of all the things God has put on my heart to do. They even built a platform to use as a stage in the room for the kids! This probably doesnt sound like much to many of you... but my church is little, to be honest it was close to dying. The people were so close-minded and old fashioned about things (which is fine) but we had no young people, and in 10 years there would be no one there. I feel that God has called me back to this church to serve. Their hearts have been changed, they are ready to make a difference and be a light to our community. They want the pierced, tattoed, mohawks & bright hair... I never thought this day would come :) God is so good...
I know there is a lot of work ahead of me, and the amazing people that are called to these projects as well. I was concerned that all the people who wanted to do this would be wanting to "make Adventists". Well I got put in my place when I brought up this concern :) they said, "we dont care what church they go to, we just want them to feel loved and learn about Jesus!" I almost cried with joy haha.
I am seeing a change with FLIGHT as well. I dont know what will happen. As many of you know its my baby. My first ministry and very close to my heart. At this point in time though I see a movement. And I feel God is calling me to something else. Over a year ago when I was asked to come lead worship at church my little group of musicians wanted to start having a second service on friday nights for more upbeat contemporary worship. We were just dreaming then, and thought "that'd be cool, but the board will never go for it". Whelp, as of last week the board approved it with no concerns. So, after the Children Seminars are over mid October we are going for it! Which means every friday evening ill be at church leading out with my old buds (okay they are in their 40's & 50's, not too old ) and bringing in a drumset! FINALLY! So, regarding FLIGHT, we'll still be there, just a little different for now, until God shows me what to do next with FLIGHT.
Okay I've rambled on enough for this evening. I get a little excited when God allows me to serve Him in these awesome ways.
God Is Shaping My Heart
Friday, July 04, 2008
GOD IS SHAPING MY HEART
I am going to do my very best to tell you all about my experience at Camp Harlow so far. But it will be hard. There is so much on my heart, and a lot of it is indescribable.
I have known that God has given me the gift of patience for quite some time now. And I have been so very thankful. But this past week He has shown me even more so, and has been shaping my heart to become even more patient and a love that I do not understand.
My campers this past week were lovely & difficult. I immediately loved them. Those 9 girls were a handful. :) Through out the week I was pushed to my limits and yet throughout it all I felt God giving me patience while being with them and a love for them that I just couldnt understand. It was the best feeling. The end of Wednesday night I will admit I was almost in tears. I hadnt had any alone time for the week, I wanted to read my Bible and journal so bad. I was being pushed out of my comfort zone through having to discipline & stand my ground with a beautiful little girl, who throughout it all I loved so very much. And still at the end of the week she cried, told me she loved me, and that I was the best counselor she ever had. I ended that camp exhausted and with more joy in my heart then ever.
I am so very thankful for the support that we as counselors have at Harlow. More than anyone I am thankful for Andy...I am so glad I have someone there who actually knows me, knows when something is wrong, and knows how to make things better. A quick talk with him made me feel relaxed & encouraged.
I am overwhelmed with excitement about the following weeks, getting to have more campers come into my life, continue getting to know the other counselors, experiencing the lessons and gifts God blesses me with, and knowing that this is where God has sent me.
-I have many amusing stories... so ask to hear them if you like :)
GOD IS SHAPING MY HEART
I am going to do my very best to tell you all about my experience at Camp Harlow so far. But it will be hard. There is so much on my heart, and a lot of it is indescribable.
I have known that God has given me the gift of patience for quite some time now. And I have been so very thankful. But this past week He has shown me even more so, and has been shaping my heart to become even more patient and a love that I do not understand.
My campers this past week were lovely & difficult. I immediately loved them. Those 9 girls were a handful. :) Through out the week I was pushed to my limits and yet throughout it all I felt God giving me patience while being with them and a love for them that I just couldnt understand. It was the best feeling. The end of Wednesday night I will admit I was almost in tears. I hadnt had any alone time for the week, I wanted to read my Bible and journal so bad. I was being pushed out of my comfort zone through having to discipline & stand my ground with a beautiful little girl, who throughout it all I loved so very much. And still at the end of the week she cried, told me she loved me, and that I was the best counselor she ever had. I ended that camp exhausted and with more joy in my heart then ever.
I am so very thankful for the support that we as counselors have at Harlow. More than anyone I am thankful for Andy...I am so glad I have someone there who actually knows me, knows when something is wrong, and knows how to make things better. A quick talk with him made me feel relaxed & encouraged.
I am overwhelmed with excitement about the following weeks, getting to have more campers come into my life, continue getting to know the other counselors, experiencing the lessons and gifts God blesses me with, and knowing that this is where God has sent me.
-I have many amusing stories... so ask to hear them if you like :)
I Plan On Growing This Summer... As Well As Planting
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
I Plan On Growing This Summer... As Well As Planting.
AS MANY OF YOU KNOW I WILL BE HEADED OFF TO CAMP HARLOW FOR THE SUMMER TO BE A SENIOR COUNSELOR. THIS IS A NEW AND EXCITING EXPERIENCE FOR ME AND I COULDNT BE MORE EXCITED ABOUT IT.
I AM GLAD ANDY PUSHED ME TO DO IT. AND EVEN MORE EXCITED THAT I REALLY FEEL THAT GOD HAS GIVEN ME THIS OPPORTUNITY AT THE PERFECT TIME.
I CANT WAIT TO NOT ONLY DO MY BEST TO LET CHRIST WORK THROUGH ME TO REACH THE KIDS AND PLANT SOME SEEDS, BUT TO ALSO ALLOW THE HOLY SPIRIT WORK IN ME AND HELP ME GROW AND LEARN. I AM AMAZED AT THE THINGS HE HAS DONE IN ME THE PAST THREE YEARS. BUT NOW, AN ENTIRE SUMMER FULL OF FOCUS ON HIM WILL BE INCREDIBLE.
I HAVE TO ADMIT SOMETHING THOUGH. I WILL MISS CRESWELL, FAMILY & FRIENDS. THIS IS TRUE. BUT FOR 1) I WILL MISS MY ANGELA. BUT IM GLAD WE WILL BE APART. (SHE IS SAYING TO HERSELF "what?!?!?! jerk.") I AM SO EXCITED TO SEE WHAT GOD DOES WITH HER AS SHE WORKS AT GROVE CAMP THIS SUMMER. I KNOW YOU ARE SCARED MY DEAR FRIEND, BUT GUESS WHAT? YOU ARE GOING TO GO ON A WHIRLWIND OF A RIDE, I FEEL IT :) GOD WANTS TO SHOW YOU HOW MUCH OF A FANTASTIC LEADER YOU CAN BE. I KNOW THIS. AND HE WANTS TO SHOW YOU HOW HE CAN WORK THROUGH YOU IF YOU ALLOW HIM TOO. I'M SO FREAKING PROUD OF YOU. I CANT WAIT TO BE ABLE TO GET TOGETHER AND SHARE OUR EXPERIENCES, NOT ONLY WITH THE KIDS, BUT WITH HOW GOD HAS BEEN WORKING IN OUR OWN HEARTS.
I ALSO WILL MISS OUT ON TWO MONTHS OF SEEING SUGARBUG (NOAH "THE NEPHEW") CONTINUE TO GROW, AND SEE ALYSSA LEARN MORE AND MORE AND NOT BEING ABLE TO HAVE NIGHTLY TALKS WITH HER.
AND... ALICIA. ALICIA HAS BECOME ONE OF MY VERY BEST FRIENDS (I HAVE A FEW) THE BEST PART IS, SHE IS 67, AND HAS THE HEART OF A 25 YR OLD. SHE LOVES GOD SO MUCH, AND I WILL MISS OUR ALMOST DAILY PHONE CALLS TALKING ABOUT IDEAS FOR MUSIC, ART & OUTREACH. I MADE A PROMISE THAT I WILL WRITE HER A LETTER EACH WEEK TELLING HER ALL THE THINGS IM LEARNING :) SHE TELLS ME CONTINUOUSLY HOW MUCH SHE LOOKS UP TO ME. WHICH IS SILLY, CAUSE I LEARN SO MUCH FROM HER!
TO ANDREW & SARA: I WILL MISS OUR THURSDAYS TOGETHER. BTW. YOU ARE GETTING MARRIED SOOOOOO SOON!
MY MOOSCHA MOM. I KINDA LIKE HER. I WILL MISS GETTING TO CHAT WITH HER IN THE EARLY MORNING WHEN SHE IS OFF TO WORK. WHAT A FANTASTIC MOM I HAVE. OH CRAP. IM GOING TO MISS MY CATS. GEEZ. :)
OH BOY! THURSDAY I BEGIN MY SUMMER! I'M SO READY JESUS... I'M READY FOR YOU TO REVEAL YOURSELF TO ME FOR THE ENTIRE SUMMER, AND THE REST OF MY LIFE. I LOVE YOU. THANK YOU FOR BLESSING ME SO ABUNDANTLY.
I Plan On Growing This Summer... As Well As Planting.
AS MANY OF YOU KNOW I WILL BE HEADED OFF TO CAMP HARLOW FOR THE SUMMER TO BE A SENIOR COUNSELOR. THIS IS A NEW AND EXCITING EXPERIENCE FOR ME AND I COULDNT BE MORE EXCITED ABOUT IT.
I AM GLAD ANDY PUSHED ME TO DO IT. AND EVEN MORE EXCITED THAT I REALLY FEEL THAT GOD HAS GIVEN ME THIS OPPORTUNITY AT THE PERFECT TIME.
I CANT WAIT TO NOT ONLY DO MY BEST TO LET CHRIST WORK THROUGH ME TO REACH THE KIDS AND PLANT SOME SEEDS, BUT TO ALSO ALLOW THE HOLY SPIRIT WORK IN ME AND HELP ME GROW AND LEARN. I AM AMAZED AT THE THINGS HE HAS DONE IN ME THE PAST THREE YEARS. BUT NOW, AN ENTIRE SUMMER FULL OF FOCUS ON HIM WILL BE INCREDIBLE.
I HAVE TO ADMIT SOMETHING THOUGH. I WILL MISS CRESWELL, FAMILY & FRIENDS. THIS IS TRUE. BUT FOR 1) I WILL MISS MY ANGELA. BUT IM GLAD WE WILL BE APART. (SHE IS SAYING TO HERSELF "what?!?!?! jerk.") I AM SO EXCITED TO SEE WHAT GOD DOES WITH HER AS SHE WORKS AT GROVE CAMP THIS SUMMER. I KNOW YOU ARE SCARED MY DEAR FRIEND, BUT GUESS WHAT? YOU ARE GOING TO GO ON A WHIRLWIND OF A RIDE, I FEEL IT :) GOD WANTS TO SHOW YOU HOW MUCH OF A FANTASTIC LEADER YOU CAN BE. I KNOW THIS. AND HE WANTS TO SHOW YOU HOW HE CAN WORK THROUGH YOU IF YOU ALLOW HIM TOO. I'M SO FREAKING PROUD OF YOU. I CANT WAIT TO BE ABLE TO GET TOGETHER AND SHARE OUR EXPERIENCES, NOT ONLY WITH THE KIDS, BUT WITH HOW GOD HAS BEEN WORKING IN OUR OWN HEARTS.
I ALSO WILL MISS OUT ON TWO MONTHS OF SEEING SUGARBUG (NOAH "THE NEPHEW") CONTINUE TO GROW, AND SEE ALYSSA LEARN MORE AND MORE AND NOT BEING ABLE TO HAVE NIGHTLY TALKS WITH HER.
AND... ALICIA. ALICIA HAS BECOME ONE OF MY VERY BEST FRIENDS (I HAVE A FEW) THE BEST PART IS, SHE IS 67, AND HAS THE HEART OF A 25 YR OLD. SHE LOVES GOD SO MUCH, AND I WILL MISS OUR ALMOST DAILY PHONE CALLS TALKING ABOUT IDEAS FOR MUSIC, ART & OUTREACH. I MADE A PROMISE THAT I WILL WRITE HER A LETTER EACH WEEK TELLING HER ALL THE THINGS IM LEARNING :) SHE TELLS ME CONTINUOUSLY HOW MUCH SHE LOOKS UP TO ME. WHICH IS SILLY, CAUSE I LEARN SO MUCH FROM HER!
TO ANDREW & SARA: I WILL MISS OUR THURSDAYS TOGETHER. BTW. YOU ARE GETTING MARRIED SOOOOOO SOON!
MY MOOSCHA MOM. I KINDA LIKE HER. I WILL MISS GETTING TO CHAT WITH HER IN THE EARLY MORNING WHEN SHE IS OFF TO WORK. WHAT A FANTASTIC MOM I HAVE. OH CRAP. IM GOING TO MISS MY CATS. GEEZ. :)
OH BOY! THURSDAY I BEGIN MY SUMMER! I'M SO READY JESUS... I'M READY FOR YOU TO REVEAL YOURSELF TO ME FOR THE ENTIRE SUMMER, AND THE REST OF MY LIFE. I LOVE YOU. THANK YOU FOR BLESSING ME SO ABUNDANTLY.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
God's Faithfulness
It amazes me how frusturated I get over things, and get so impatient when I have God taking care of me. He proves His faithfulness to me over and over again and yet I continue to doubt. From reading below at my blog about wanting a job that I could be with kids... I laugh. Cause God gave me just that! Once again He proves He wants us to be happy and has plans for us. I got a job at Camp Harlow as a Senior Counselor! I had training last week and I'll have my first campers next week.
This week before my summer takes off I feel that God wants to have some quality time with me and help me prepare my heart. I want to go into camp filled with the Holy Spirit. I want it to be overflowing all over the kids :)...
Once again I want to brag about my church family... I have been getting phone calls and msgs on my phone from all kinds of people telling me they are praying for me and are so proud of me and "when are you having another concert?"- that makes me REALLY happy :) I am so blessed to have such a huge support system.
My mother has been amazing as well, it is hard for her knowing ill be away most of the summer, but she is happy that I am going to get to do what I love. She is a great prayer warrior.
I am so thankful for all the wonderful things God does for me, and the people He brings into mylife!
This week before my summer takes off I feel that God wants to have some quality time with me and help me prepare my heart. I want to go into camp filled with the Holy Spirit. I want it to be overflowing all over the kids :)...
Once again I want to brag about my church family... I have been getting phone calls and msgs on my phone from all kinds of people telling me they are praying for me and are so proud of me and "when are you having another concert?"- that makes me REALLY happy :) I am so blessed to have such a huge support system.
My mother has been amazing as well, it is hard for her knowing ill be away most of the summer, but she is happy that I am going to get to do what I love. She is a great prayer warrior.
I am so thankful for all the wonderful things God does for me, and the people He brings into mylife!
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
A Sadness
Have you ever had a sadness deep down? And you couldnt figure out why?
I am dealing with this right now. It's an odd thing.
I am so happy right now... so many things are going great. I am doing the things I love, I'm moving forward in my life, I am accepting God's timing & not my own, I am surrounded by the people I love and that love me.
And yet there is this sadness hovering over me. I have always been able to pinpoint it quickly, it was always a no brainer as to why I was feeling sad. But this time... I am at a loss.
So, I guess the only thing I can think to do is to continue on.... being thankful for the things that are making me happy and are fulfilling the desires God has put in my heart. Maybe God needs me to take a day for Him. Go for a drive, or a walk. And just spend some one on one with Him. A lot of the time my time with Him involves one or more people.... Maybe God and I just need to talk.
Wow. So there we go.... that is why I write. God may have just talked to me with my own hands typing :D.
Oh Jesus.... how I love YOU and YOUR ways....
I am dealing with this right now. It's an odd thing.
I am so happy right now... so many things are going great. I am doing the things I love, I'm moving forward in my life, I am accepting God's timing & not my own, I am surrounded by the people I love and that love me.
And yet there is this sadness hovering over me. I have always been able to pinpoint it quickly, it was always a no brainer as to why I was feeling sad. But this time... I am at a loss.
So, I guess the only thing I can think to do is to continue on.... being thankful for the things that are making me happy and are fulfilling the desires God has put in my heart. Maybe God needs me to take a day for Him. Go for a drive, or a walk. And just spend some one on one with Him. A lot of the time my time with Him involves one or more people.... Maybe God and I just need to talk.
Wow. So there we go.... that is why I write. God may have just talked to me with my own hands typing :D.
Oh Jesus.... how I love YOU and YOUR ways....
Monday, March 17, 2008
Rebirthing
I recently had an amazing weekend...
March 14th, 2008 I have never been happier...
I turned 21, I got rebaptized, and I got my entire family into church to see it all happen!
The Cottage Grove SDA church has been a huge blessing in my life. The people there have welcomed me back into their church with open arms, huge smiles, and much affirmation. I left that specific church a few years ago because I didnt really feel at home and I needed to be around people my own age. But now I have returned. I was asked to be involved in music down there and I have no regrets in accepting the invitation.
I have a new mentor in my life. Pastor Len Tatom. He is the most real pastor I have ever met. And I have been so excited getting to study with him each week and expand my knowledge as well as having someone be so supportive of my ministry ideas and giving me all the resources I could ever imagine!
Pastor Len baptized me last friday. He welcomed my family who have not been involved in church for many many years, and they adore him. They cant stop talking about the service we held for my baptism and asking questions about church etc. I have never had my family open up like they have been to me about their problems with depression, and their relationship with God, even though they are not involved in a church. I tried to contain my tears of joy as we talked.
Not only was friday an amazing evening but Saturday was as well. I got to be surrounded by some of the most important people in my life, the ones who saved me from self-destruction, and those that showed me what being a young christian on fire is. What great friends I have!
My weekend was amazing. My family is fantastic. My friends are extraordinary. My God is my life.
Just wait folks... just wait and see what God does...
March 14th, 2008 I have never been happier...
I turned 21, I got rebaptized, and I got my entire family into church to see it all happen!
The Cottage Grove SDA church has been a huge blessing in my life. The people there have welcomed me back into their church with open arms, huge smiles, and much affirmation. I left that specific church a few years ago because I didnt really feel at home and I needed to be around people my own age. But now I have returned. I was asked to be involved in music down there and I have no regrets in accepting the invitation.
I have a new mentor in my life. Pastor Len Tatom. He is the most real pastor I have ever met. And I have been so excited getting to study with him each week and expand my knowledge as well as having someone be so supportive of my ministry ideas and giving me all the resources I could ever imagine!
Pastor Len baptized me last friday. He welcomed my family who have not been involved in church for many many years, and they adore him. They cant stop talking about the service we held for my baptism and asking questions about church etc. I have never had my family open up like they have been to me about their problems with depression, and their relationship with God, even though they are not involved in a church. I tried to contain my tears of joy as we talked.
Not only was friday an amazing evening but Saturday was as well. I got to be surrounded by some of the most important people in my life, the ones who saved me from self-destruction, and those that showed me what being a young christian on fire is. What great friends I have!
My weekend was amazing. My family is fantastic. My friends are extraordinary. My God is my life.
Just wait folks... just wait and see what God does...
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